Something sad has happened lately: I haven’t been getting much Spam. At first I was sort of baffled, but then I realized it’s because, due to the new(ish) GDPR regulations, I added the checkbox about my privacy policy to my comments section. I’ve gone from having hundreds of messages in my Spam folder to only a few! For most people, this would be good news, but for me it means I haven’t been able to write a Spam post in a while because it’s taken me a lot longer to build up a supply of “high-quality” Spam comments. Ah, the trials and tribulations of being a blogger!
Anyway…
It’s time for a new installment of Fun with SPAM, where we peek into the abyss of the Spam folder to find a few gems and imagine … what if I were really going to reply to these random crazy comments?
Take a look at what I might say:
I definitely wanted to construct a simple message to be able to appreciate you for some of the remarkable tactics you are giving out at this site. My time intensive internet investigation has at the end been paid with excellent strategies to exchange with my partners. I ‘d declare that we website visitors actually are extremely blessed to live in a fine site with so many marvellous people with very helpful hints. I feel truly blessed to have used your entire website and look forward to tons of more enjoyable times reading here. Thank you again for a lot of things.
Oh, wow, I was getting worried that no one had noticed the remarkable tactics I’ve been giving out here. Strangely, no one else ever seems to mention them.
But I’ll confess that I wasn’t aware I had any website visitors living in my site. I might have to consider charging a bit of rent. I’m sure you understand … hosting and other fees can get expensive, and it would be nice to be able to spread out the cost a bit, especially if you’re planning to use up my entire website.
Hello! Love the cheese content on your site! You know, most businesses get traffic from their blog, and we feel that you could use a little help, since you are not blogging daily yet. Blogging takes a lot of time, and we have just the team to come up with great content you need. You can have a brand new article to post on your website starting at $10 in as little as 5 business days!
This just sounds too good to pass up! Will you write me more articles about cheese? As you noted, that’s a major focus of my blog.
I Will Provide Organic Traffic By Keyword From Google, Bing, Yahoo Daily – (Low Bounce Rate).
Thank goodness! I was getting really worried about all the pesticides and such in my normal blog traffic. This seems like a much healthier alternative.
Hmm it appears like your site ate my first comment (it was extremely long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I wrote and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog. I too am an aspiring blog blogger but I’m still new to the whole thing. Do you have any points for first-time blog writers? I’d genuinely appreciate it. my web page :: Lawyers For Car Accidents.
I’m so sorry my blog ate your first, well-thought-out comment. Surely it was a grave mistake, as you are obviously a serious blogger who only came here to read about books and tell me how much you love my blog. I will hop right over to check out your Lawyers for Car Accidents blog since it’s right up my alley. And I’ll be sure to leave some tips in the comments for my fellow blog bloggers while I’m there.
I am in fact thankful to the holder of this website who has shared this impressive paragraph at here.
Well, I am in fact thankful to you for sharing your impressive comment. So we’re even.
At one point with time, many organizations viewed the world of social networking as a enjoying floor for youngsters. Those times are long gone.
So true. Nowadays, even old people like me can enjoy social networking—from the floor, a chair… you name it.
Do you mind if I quote a couple of your posts as long as I provide credit and sources back to your website? My blog site is in the very same area of interest as yours and my users would certainly benefit from a lot of the information you present here. Please let me know if this alright with you. Thanks a lot! Here is my web blog: Medifast Meals
Well, it would certainly be difficult to find two more similar blogs than ours. Feel free to quote me as much as you’d like. I’m sure your readers will glean much wisdom from my expertise.
Later, you can donate few more preemie clothes to hospital but you can use them in case you are unable to get them in odd times. If you look groomed and professional, your clients will have easier time in trusting you and your employers will probably be watching every move of yours carefully and you will definitely score over your competitors who probably don’t think the same way.
It never even occurred to me to buy preemie clothes to use for myself and then donate them to a hospital at a later time. What better way to look groomed and professional! I don’t know why everyone wouldn’t think so. And I agree that lots of people would probably be watching my every move very carefully when I go out wearing my brand new preemie clothes. It’s sure to make a statement.
With just having few week exercise there is a much great improvement in one. They accept those who are aged 18 to 60, both male and female but they do not accept ‘healthy’ volunteers.
Well, of course; what healthy person would voluntarily exercise? You have come to the right place, though, since I am obviously very unhealthy. I think it’s due to all those pesticides in my non-organic blog traffic. Luckily, that problem will be solved soon.
See, spam really can be fun! If you liked this post, check out my past spam posts—they’re good for a laugh!
Do you ever read your spam? Does it make you laugh? Remember any crazy spam comments? I want to know!
Sam@wlabb
I always feel so violated when I get a spam comment. It’s good that you are able to turn it on it’s side and have fun with it.
Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
I think I am the only person in the world who is sad that I now get less spam than I used to. My pickings are so slim now! 🙂
Aj @ Read All The Things!
I read my spam! I love the ones that insult my blog and then offer to help if I give them money. I wonder how often that business tactic works? Recently, I got a comment that said something like, “Your website is not in English. People will have trouble understanding it.” Um . . . okay? I know I occasionally invent words, but it can’t be that bad!
Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
I always think that about the insulting ones too. Do they actually ever get people to visit them with those? And I always love it when someone offers to “help” my writing with a completely unintelligible comment. Obviously the sort of experts you’d trust.
Danielle Hammelef
I enjoy your spam posts very much. Maybe the cheese comment was supposed to be an adjective describing some of your posts? (JK) Too bad about less spam–guess your blog is headed towards being “fat free.”
Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
Well, I do put up some cheesy posts now and again. Apparently they love that sort of thing.
Sim @ Flipping Through the Pages
Haha, this is such a fun post 😀 I get too many spam comments. It definitely bothers me when most of those are related to viagra and stuff 😛 But sometimes I too like to read this kind of fun comments like you shared 😛 I might write a post similar to this. Loved the idea!
Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
Yeah, I definitely skim past plenty of just plain inappropriate spam to get to the ones that are sort of funny. Very sad! Feel free to write your own spam post—make sure you let me know if you do so I can come read it!
Stephanie Jane (Literary Flits)
These are brilliant! You get much better Spam than I do and I love their pompous language!
Just so you know though, I have been loitering here for ages hoping for more cheese-related content. Organic preferred 😉
Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
Apparently I’ve been underutilizing the cheese content on my site. I’m so glad I’ve discovered this mistake before it’s too late!
Lisa Mandina (Lisa Loves Literature)
I always love when you do these posts! I’m interested in the person who is a blog blogger. lol
Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
Ah, yes, it’s always nice to help out my fellow blog bloggers when I can.
Anna Cole
So funny!! 😂😂 You have gotten some hilarious spam comments.
Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
Might as well have some fun with them! 🙂
Grace @ Rebel Mommy Book Blog
Ha these are great! I don’t get very many spam comments anymore either.
Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
I’m probably the only person in the history of blogging who’s sad about getting less spam. 🙂
Suzanne @ The Bookish Libra
Ha! I love this post! You had me chuckling from start to finish. Some of the spam that gets sent really is bizarre, isn’t it?
Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
Yeah, some of it is just SO out there that I can’t even make fun of it.
Marie @ Drizzle & Hurricane Books
Hahaha this is such a fun post! I have to say, I sometimes read spam comments, but not that often when there are too much and some of them don’t even make a whole lot of sense. Some others are pretty convincing, though, haha 🙂 The one talking about the cheese content on your blog made me laugh ahaha. You do have a lot of cheese on the blog hahaha.
Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
Yeah, a lot of spam is just utterly nonsensical, but these ones that ALMOST make sense are way more fun. And you have to wonder where things like the cheese comment come from. Do they just choose a random topic to pretend you’re writing about? Why cheese? 🙂
Kristen @ Metaphors and Moonlight
Oh man, now I’m picturing that first spammer as some little internet goblin living inside the internet, and he’s chosen your site as his home, haha. I kind of want to write a story about that now.
Oh dang, I seem to have all your cheese content! 😉
A blog blogger. Do they blog about blogs? How meta!
Fun post, as usual!
Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
Oooh, that would make a really fun short story! Internet goblins and social media trolls. 🙂
Shannon @ It Starts at Midnight
Oh how I love these! I think I am a non-compliant blog blogger so I probably still have lots of spam if you ever need to borrow some 😂 I am cracking up. I mean, if you are going to spam all the livelong day, at least get a decent post to spam with, right?
I love all the cheese info I get here. Better change your blog name. Feed Your Cheese Addiction. Also THAT is what I have been doing wrong all these years- I have been wearing normal adult clothes, when I was *supposed to* be wearing clothes designed for a sub-5 lb infant. ::headdesk::
Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
Feed Your Cheese Addiction … I like the sound of that. I mean, to be fair, I do really like cheese. I just don’t remember mentioning it all that often on the blog.
And for once the two of us can be ahead of the fashion trends with this preemie thing. I just know we’ll be seeing it on the runways soon.
Carole @ Carole's Random Life in Books
These are fun! I don’t get spam all that often but when I do I usually end up laughing over it. I seem to be getting the same spammer hitting my blog with the same comment at least weekly. He can go away 🙂
Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
Yeah, you’d think the spammer would give up after a while, but they never do. I’m sure they’re bots, but it’s sort of fun to imagine a real person writing out these ridiculous messages.
ShootingStarsMag
Oh gosh, these are hilarious. Thankfully, I don’t get too much spam, but I love what you do with it for these posts. And this reply is hilarious: “So true. Nowadays, even old people like me can enjoy social networking—from the floor, a chair… you name it.” Clever. 😉
-Lauren
Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
I figure spam has to be good for something … why not a laugh? 🙂
Rachel @Waves of Fiction
Omg, I’ve been laughing my head off with these comments and your replies! So hilarious! Do these people ever get actual replies? I wonder. Thanks for giving me a good laugh this afternoon! 🙂
Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
Glad I could entertain you. I have lots of fun with these!!
Jovita @ Inky Impressions
I don’t get spam very often, but when I do it’s usually a spammer saying how they love my site and if I had any suggestions to help them. I tend to get those on older posts, from years ago.
I enjoyed reading your replies, thanks for the laugh. Oh yes, I love cheese, please post more!
Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
I’m starting to have to mine those really old spam comments on my blog from back when I was on Blogger, now that I’m not getting much anymore. It feels like the end of an era! 🙂
Sophia @ Bookwyrming Thoughts
Haha, spam comments are HILARIOUS sometimes. I usually get the same thing over and over (my email spam is more fun to be honest – I get threats and am apparently sacrificial lamb for rituals) so I tend to gloss over them. But it’s always fun to go through them and get a good laugh!
Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
Yeah, maybe I’ll have to throw in some email spam now that my comment spam is dwindling.
Dani Eide
The spam that compliments you for something that you don’t do then asks for advice! I always wonder if anyone responds and accepts the spammy comment in order to reply?! Hahaha I also actually recognized some of the comments you got! 😉
Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
I know—it would almost be more fun to leave the spam on the blog and reply like it was real, but then I’d have to leave their links too. Don’t want to do that.
Irena BookDustMagic
Ohh, I can see your spammers really take time to write you messages.
I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining, but my spammers usually just post some web site address or post one-two sentences.
Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
You have lazy spammers!! 🙂
Emma @ Words And Peace
those are fun, mine are mostly links to buy stuff
Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
I definitely get those too. These are just the fun ones.
Lark @ The Bookwyrm's Hoard
Omigosh, these are funny! And so are your responses. The one about the preemie clothes had me literally laughing out loud.
Most of the spam I get is massively long strings of nonsense with buy links scattered through it, but I do get some of the generic, poorly-translated “love your blog” ones like some of the spam you quoted here. I never thought of turning it into a blog post, though — kudos to you!
Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
I agree about the preemie clothes one. So hilarious!
Erica Robyn
Oh my gosh, these are too funny!! Gotta love spam! I get a TON of them that are related to SEO because I reviewed ONE book about SEO…MONTHS ago lol!
Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
I get a lot of SEO ones too. I’m SEO ignorant, so I completely ignore them.
Michelle @ Life Among the Pages
I get a kick out of my spam as well… except for the porn and prescription drug ones of course. It cracks me up when the comment starts out sounding real-ish then takes a very weird bend.
Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
Yes, sometimes they ALMOST seem like real comments and then … not so much.
Cee Arr
Ah, you gotta love those ‘enjoying floors for youngsters’ 😉
Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
Exactly. I enjoy a couch now that I’m old.
Jen
Oh my gosh, what is with the preemie clothes comments?! That is just SO random lol! You definitely get way more entertaining spam than we do!
Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
Um, yeah. That one was confusing. I don’t know what preemie clothes has to do with being well-dressed for work (or with book blogging). It’s just weird!